Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
