you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
