Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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