worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
