Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
