A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
