Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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