i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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