I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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