from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize