I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
