ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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