I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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