Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
