So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
