y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
