at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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