listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
