i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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