i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
