After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Couch. On fire.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Congratulations! We have a period
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