I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
