I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
