i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
