She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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