She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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