Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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