here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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