Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
