We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Mom said you looked used
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
