im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
