You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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