I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
