this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
