what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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