you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm too high and old for this...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
