I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You don't make any sense
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