I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
