I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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