If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
