Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do vagina's smell?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You made out with two different species that night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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