just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
