I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
