My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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