This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize