so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
