I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
