R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
