How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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