He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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