Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
