On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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