We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
