I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
