I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
