I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
