My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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