and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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