you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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