Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
