Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
