The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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