ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
