omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
