I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
