dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Panties = found
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
