home. puking in laundry basket.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
whose parrot is this?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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