I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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