Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
