im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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