the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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