lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
