we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
