Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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