Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize