Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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