life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
PANTIES FOUND
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