I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
another moral hangover. fuck.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
