how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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