I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
