the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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