i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
