I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My ass is underappreciated
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
