I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
