why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
