you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I miss vodka workout Fridays
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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