Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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