Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
