If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
