i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
