Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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