I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
