I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
