the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
