did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
