you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
