No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize