I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
