No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
soo... how was my night?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
