White coat. Heels.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize