i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
