Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
