omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
