I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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