Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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