i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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