I hope mine doesn't look like that
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
