She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
